May 15, 2006

All the facts I own
Point to something else
For their meaning, for instance

“Watch you walk
Like sunset in a bottle”

She is a word
In particular
That I reference for everything

What I want it to mean.

I have been unable to think of a useful literary term
That is completely able to describe the emptiness I’m left with

You’re all a bunch of deictics

Knowledge and feelings are very deceptive. I have a recording of this that I may upload later. I was crying by the end of the recording. Life, meaning, happiness are so utterly beyond my grasp. Everything depends on context. >sigh<

A “deictic” is a part of speech (like “those” or “she”) that gets its meaning from context. So, saying “Those aren’t really the ones I want …” changes its meaning depending on the sentences around it. And if you change those, its meaning changes as well.

When I say, “all the facts I own point to something else for their meaning” I am mourning that I can’t attain any certainty. Everything depends on something I can’t quite work out.

“She is a word, in particular, that I reference for everything”. Somehow, the answer of “who am I with” or “who do I want” pivots all the other definitions in my life.

This, like many songs I’ve written, is one that I am mostly unable to reproduce now in its original form. I can listen to it on the recording, but for the life of me I can neither remember how I did it, nor summon the precise emotional framework that made it possible.


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