May 17, 2006

Freedom is sour
It’s all I can do to wash the taste out
If I can feel it why
Can’t I actualize correctly?

It’ll come out wrong
It’ll track inconstant
Fall back on recurrence
Freedom is sour

This is the other “Freedom is sour” song. I looked at the original lyrics sheet I wrote on and realized that there was more to it than I remembered. I think I can also assume that it was the second incarnation, having looked at it.

A really interesting thing I discovered was that I used an extreme version of a technique I use regularly: writing a song and then stripping out phrases until I have a new song that I like. In its original form, it was about trying to write Christian songs. Pared down about half, it broadened its scope, the individual phrases took on more meaning, and it began to say more about life in general than just the narrow band of experiences that even I spend only a small part of my time engaged in.

If I can feel what I want to say, why does it come out wrong? If I can just see what I should be and how I should act, why can’t I get it to end up that way? Something gets lost in the translation from my heart to my hand. This is far from being the most poignant issue in my life right now, but it still certainly strikes a chord with me. It seems like no matter how many things I get right, there’s a colossal divide/mistake in my life. I can’t fix things, they are broken beyond real repair. It’s like my life is a plate that has a big crack in it. I can glue it back together, polish it until it shines, but it’s never going to look right.


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